Thursday, July 26, 2007

What comes after "Bend & Snap." Why it's "Capture, Snag & Whip!"

According to Legally Blonde, the way to catch a man is to "Bend & Snap". But then, how do you "Capture, Snag & Whip"? Today's question is:

How does a man become whipped?

Do men become whipped from their need to be rewarded with sex at the end of the day? I see more men following their girlfriends around department stores, even couture dress shops, like puppies. As always, these men look totally uncomfortable, but there they are with that expressionless look on their faces that says, "If I am a really good boy today and carry her bags and not complain, I'll get sex tonight!" It amazes me that an extremely straight man would actually go shopping with a woman. I do not understand this phenomenon. Last night after the gym I went to Re-Juice-a-Nation, a local juice & smoothie bar. I witnessed one guy standing 10-feet back and away from his girlfriend who had just ordered a power shake at the counter. When the counter guy told her, "That will be $7.50 ma'am", she immediately turned around to her boyfriend and said, "You heard the man honey." The boyfriend without hesitation reached in his back pocket without saying a word and paid the counter guy. How do women do that? I want that….I want to whip a guy. Not physically…emotionally! Damn it! Oh sure, I've been taken out on dates and treated plenty of times. But how do you actually capture, snag, and whip? That's my question.

My dad, as big and tall and tough as he is… whipped! Has been for over 30 years! Sometimes he will take both me and my mom shopping. It has to be a torture session for him. He doesn't say anything. He just stands around. Or if he's lucky, he will find a chair to sit down on. Sometimes he will tell us he is going to the men's department, which for me and my mom is JUST FINE!

A whipped man is what a woman really needs: No leash necessary…He automatically follows you everywhere and wants to be near you. Oh sure, he pays for things, but the really nice comforting thing is the fact that he will stop at nothing to be with you. How does this happen? He lifts heavy bags, he kills bugs, he helps you fix things, he protects you, he calms you down when you are upset, he tells you that you are beautiful, etc. etc. etc. These men come with a label inside their undershirt that reads "Trouble Free". I want one! No, not the undershirt, silly, the whipped man!

Why am I not having the success that so many women today seem to easily master the fine technique of capture, snag & whip? Of course, I can get a man, but not the man I might really want. How can I capture, snag and whip the man I really, really want? Hmmm. Recently, I dated another mistake. He was not a mistake, I just should have known better than to date a guy from Boston who comes to the New York area sometimes for business. Started out great, but the distance is just not worth the effort. I should have known from the beginning. Now HE could have been a "capture, snag and whip", but due to the circumstances…nah!

If this blog has offended any of its male readers, I apologize. I know there are plenty of men out there who read this and say, "No woman is going to whip me!" Just make sure buddy you remove the label from the back of your undershirt before you go out tonight. You'll be fine.


  • At 8:58 PM, Blogger Zach said…

    It seems this desire for a whipped man contradicts your aversion to insecure males. Submission stems from insecurity.

  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger Tara said…

    My dearest Zach,
    I disagree. A whipped man is by all means not necessarily insecure. He might be considered by some as a complacent personality, but my belief is that he is very much in love and will do just about anything to make you happy.


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