Wednesday, January 23, 2008

"Who IS this new Roommate of Ours and What IS She Feeding Me?"

Last night I came home from my hour-long boxing class at the gym totally exhausted and looking forward to a nice hot shower and a couple hours of complete relaxation in my apartment. The minute I walked in I noticed an immediate look of disappointment on Oreo’s face. Almost as if to say, “Oh, it’s you…you don’t feed me, Danielle feeds me…Well, I’ll come over and you can pet me anyway.” My first reaction was, “I’m sorry Oreo! It’s just me coming home…not Danielle. I’m sorry Buddy.” (Why was I apologizing?…I pay my portion of the rent). Oreo began his meowing which doesn’t sound like a meow at all, more like maaahhh! (Trust me, it’s a weird sound.) It was 9:30 p.m and he hadn’t eaten since this morning. Poor soul. And now he’s stuck here with me. I immediately called my all-knowing mother, whose advice was the obvious. “Feed him something!” Oreo began pacing the apartment, rolled himself on the rug, got up, and then headed to the pantry door which he then proceeded to stand up and open with his two front paws. He was trying to tell me, “Moron, my food is in here!” I looked in the pantry and his box of food was empty! Thinking dry food is dry food, I offered him some of my Kashi Go Lean cereal. Hey, I was desperate. He chewed a little (as if it were concrete, which it is) and then looked at me as if to say, “Lady, this sucks!” My mother then recommended pouring Oreo a little milk into his bowl. So I poured a little skim milk for him thinking that this should hold him over until Danielle comes home. He lasted about 10 seconds with the milk and headed back over to me to “maaahhh” at me and rubbed up against me. I said, “I’m sorry buddy, I don’t know what else to do”. Inexperienced with animal needs, I texted Danielle and told her Oreo is hungry and there’s no food for him. She responded that she would be home with his food in a couple minutes. I found myself stroking Oreo’s head and lovingly assuring him, “It’s ok, Fatty, your food will be here soon”. The cat is probably saying to himself in a voice like Stewie from Family Guy, “Finally, it’s about time, dumb ass!” Thinking that to myself, I turned away and headed for my much needed shower. My muscles were beginning to feel sore so I figured with Danielle coming through the door any minute, I could sneak away into my bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, clean, naked and toweling off, I suddenly see my bathroom door knob slowly turning to open. Remembering that I had locked the door I called, “Who’s there?” The response, “Maaahhh!” It was as if the deprivation of food was ALL that cat was going to be deprived of for the night. I grabbed my towel and yelled “Go away Oreo!…Pervert!”


Post a Comment

<< Home