An Ex-Dilemma

Over Christmas break, I ran into an old boyfriend. One of the few truly nice guys I’ve dated. It was actually very nice to see him again. We chatted a little, flirted a little and then I gave him my cell phone number and told him to call me if he wants to hang out. Since then, I’ve heard from him a few times. Recently, he text message'd me late one night and said he’s been thinking about me and is really looking forward to me coming home for break. Warning, warning, warning! Tara, you already hurt this guy once before in telling him the long distance thing “won’t work”. Be careful. Ah yes, the dreaded “Won’t work” phrase that I have been told and heartbroken by twice by two different guys in my lifetime. The truth is it was a very nice summer thing but that’s it. Besides, right now…I don’t want to date…anyone! I just want to be friends. Yeah, that’s it…friends. I’m just going to be nice, hang out with him, and tell him we’re just friends…no benefits…just friends. You’re thinking, Tara , he’s a nice guy, all you do is blast guys who are jerks and now you can have a nice guy and you still don’t want him.” The truth…He’s not ambitious enough for me, ok?…I like men who want nice things…like I do. Those who are driven to “have it all”. I’ll never have that with him. He’s the type that wants to stay home and take care of the kids, while I go out and work. Uh, I don’t think so! Well, I can’t give him the long distance “won’t work” excuse because I’ll be living only within an hour and a half driving time from him. I really would like to spend time with him…but I get so weak and I know what’s going to happen…I keep playing that scene from When Harry Met Sally in my head. You know, the one where Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan that men and women can never be friends because the guy always wants to have sex. Here it is…it’s hysterical and one of my favorite movie scenes.

Harry Burns:You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Burns: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.