Monday, September 17, 2007

The Summer of My Discontent

What if Jack Nicholson is right…What if this is “as good as it gets”? My life needs to take a turn...a much needed upswing for sure. My job hardly stimulates me. My work life is stable, but I feel like I have lost the passion and motivation to stay. Some days the amount of female estrogen at work makes me want to jump into the Hudson. Then there’s my love life…ha! Hardly a love life. What else is there? Tell me? Yes, I have a nice and cozy little apartment, where I quietly live alone and where no one leaves wet towels on the floor, hair in the sink or (heaven forbid) an unflushed toilet. I do have some great friends here in town, and who are pretty much in the same pathetic money situation that I am. Yes, money is so ridiculously tight due to the high cost of living that I have to watch every single penny I spend. The price of one cocktail in Manhattan can be so expensive that I can’t even afford to drink my depression into oblivion. I actually had to switch to light beer one night just so I could feel….something!

Then, there are my regular monthly dealings with Sallie Mae and my college loans, which at times make me wish I had never attended IU, but rather saved money and stayed in-state. But then again I contemplate my in-state choices and realize being at IU made me a lot stronger, a bit tougher, more organized, and quite the independent person that I am today. It was just a high price to pay for basically growing up.

I, however, CAN be happy that I am in the best physical shape of my life. I am in excellent health. I guess that should count for something. However, since graduating from college I have worked six days a week and am beginning to feel the telltale signs of burn out. In addition to my corporate job during the week, I also work one weekend day as an assistant manager at a high end spa. It’s a relaxing place for people with money who want to spend a couple hours dropping hundreds of dollars for a massage, a facial and a quick Brazilian Bikini wax…and for the men….an hour massage and a back wax! People here are so stressed from their work environments and day-to-day living that relaxation and pampering is a much needed necessity. One of these days I hope to be able to afford to partake in my spa’s services. So for now, I’ll just manage the employees, sell our spa's service and products as well as treat our customers like the gold around their arms, their necks and their ankles!

The truth is I am actually considering a job change, possibly a location change…or one...or neither. I am at odds. I remember feeling this way at college. After I decided to leave the Theatre Department, I had to pick a new major. I’ll be honest. My thinking was, “I like fashion…I’ll do Apparel Merchandising! Sounds like fun! Duh! Changing my major to Apparel meant I could still graduate within 4 years. Looking back I should have switched my major to Education where I could teach kindergarten or 1st grade. I love little kids! I would happily skip around the classroom singing songs like “Getting to Know You” from the King & I or "Do Re Mi" from The Sound of Music. I would even use my best Julie Andrews accent! Just think…I would work only 9 months a year, have off weekends, and take cruises and trips to Europe like the rest of the teachers in the world! However, that would have meant spending an extra year at IU…something that at the time would have just about killed me! Thank god though, I left Theatre. I know IU theatre grads that are struggling right now. One quit the profession after his first week of auditions – so much for Professor Pinney and his means of properly equipping mid-west actors for a REAL career in theatre, or should I say REAL competitive professional theatre…found here, people…in New York…no where else! Another of our big IU theatre actors is (surprise) waiting tables like the other 90,000 non-working theatre actors! All in all, only one IU theatre star made it to the Broadway stage and I am so happy for him. Way to go Colin! One of these days, when I can afford it, this Jersey girl will come see “Jersey Boys” on Broadway.

Anyway, getting back to my dilemma, you will either find me in the state of New Jersey, the state of New York, or in the state of confusion. Fall is here…My lease is up January 1st. Do I stay the course or set sail for a different direction? Oh, how I wish to be content.


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