Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I Love Christian Bale and Now I Need Therapy

From the first time I saw Christian Bale in Treasure Island, (I think I was 7 years old) I have been madly in love with him. Well, that is in the movie star ga-ga sense. Then there came Newsies where he actually sang and then a year later, he made Swing Kids where we all witnessed his hot moves on the dance floor.

Now that Christian and I have both matured, it has been a thrill watching him develop into a phenomenal and well respected actor…all while sitting with a bag of popcorn on my lap. Batman Begins, American Psycho, The Prestige, and 3:10 to Yuma are just a few of my favorite Christian Bale films.

I could watch him and watch him and watch him all day (sigh)…

S T O P! Wait a minute! …He looks exactly like who??? No! Please….No! You too? You too think he looks like … Oh man! Everyone thinks the love of my life…my total lust….looks like….my brother? Oh no…I can’t lust after someone who looks like my brother! That’s sick!

After comparing around 20 pictures of both Christian Bale and my brother this week, with the fine help of my office coworkers, it has been decided that my brother and Christian Bale are look-alikes. I still have trouble seeing it because it kills me to accept it. My brother has blonde hair, Christian has dark brown hair. My brother has blue eyes and Christian has brown eyes. How can this be? I’m told….they have the same face.

Now, I’m worrying whether I have some deep rooted sick attraction to my own brother…no…no…no way! We’ve fought over the bathroom for too many years, He’s teased me a mega million times, and quite frankly the only thing we’ve mastered together growing up is the art of dating each other’s friends (which never worked out well by the way).

Maybe this whole attraction thing stems from the fact that girls seek to marry someone that reminds them of their dad. Maybe my brother, as an extension of my dad, is all apart of that familiar male thingy that girls go through. You know…who they are attracted to…Wait. What am I thinking? Just because my brother has grown over the years into looking somewhat like Christian Bale doesn’t mean I have some perversion to my brother. I liked Christian Bale way before my brother had to go and freaking look like him. I am just fine…There is nothing wrong with me. In fact, there are probably a million girls out there who love Christian Bale and even have hideous looking brothers.

Today, my brother stopped by my office to grab a cup of coffee with me. As we sat there together sipping our coffees out of nowhere, this girl approaches us, looks at my brother and says, “excuse me…but did anyone ever tell you that you look like, um, oh what’s his name…” My brother and I looked at each other, smiled and said in unison – “Christian Bale!”.

Here’s a little Christian for ya...


  • At 12:59 PM, Blogger Zach said…

    Oh snap! Your brother does look like Christian Bale. But you know who else looks like your brother? You. So by extension, Christian Bale could share a lot of features with you, and it's pretty common for people to be attracted to people with similar features. See, perfectly natural and not at all creepy.


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