Wedding Bell Blues

How do I love thee, let me count…

How do I love thee, let me COUNT the ways…

I was recently asked to perform this cliché for an upcoming family wedding. I say perform because there is no way on earth I could read it seriously or somehow get through it without chuckling. Of all the people chosen to read the world’s most famous love sonnet written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, I think it is strangely amusing that they chose me. Me - the one person who has never known love nor has been loved by anyone near close to what this sonnet impassions. How in the world will I pull this off? Sure, I could have a Cosmo or two prior to the ceremony. Or I could pretend I’m being graded for my college acting class. Or I could…

How do I love thee let me count the ways…I love thee to the DEPTH and BREADTH and HEIGHT my SOUL can reach….Wait a minute…wait a minute, my soul hasn’t reached for anything higher than the Go Lean cereal box on the top shelf at the Organic grocery store! Ok now Tara, be serious…I can do this.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints!---I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!---and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Everybody still awake?

Elizabeth Barrett was an invalid who stayed home confined to her room writing books and poetry. A wonderful man named Robert Browning fell in love with her after reading her writings, contacted her and the two fell in love and lived happily ever after.

Maybe this could happen to me? Maybe a wonderful man will someday read my blog, fall head over heals in love with me, contact me and tell me he loves me to the depth and breadth and height his soul can reach! Haha Tara, not in this century!

Bartender, this time make it an apple martini …Ok…here we go…I’ll try again…

How do I love thee, let me COUNT the ways….