Monday, December 12, 2005

Could I live with an Animal, a Child, or even a Man?

I live alone. Actually it’s my second year of it. I like it. So much that I sometimes wonder if I could ever live with another human being ever again. Oh, I have neighbors right next door on both sides of me, which if I ever needed anything in an emergency, I could go. The thin walls between us make us sometimes feel a little too close for comfort since I can unfortunately hear everything from toilets flushing to their music playing to the intense orgasmic screams of their Saturday night dates. See, I’m not completely isolated from the world. And, of course, there’s my neighbor, Bubba who sits on his porch, shirtless in summer, (I might add) impersonating Buddha with a pink sticker on the middle of his forehead. I see and hear plenty of wonderful people each day.

Someone mentioned I should get a cat. Well, first of all, I don’t really like cats. They spray (whatever that means, but I don’t like the sound of it). Although they do manage to take care of themselves and they don’t need much entertainment except for a comfy ledge overlooking a window. Did you ever notice that cats look at you like they are far superior…like they know more than you. Heck, if that were true I would have gotten one last year to help me with my economics homework.

Then there are dogs. Ah, puppies, so cute! Dogs live in the city, right? That is, if I live someday near The Park. Central Park is a perfect place to take the dog for a walk. Think…101 Dalmatians! I love that movie! Maybe I’ll meet the man of my dreams while walking my little bull dog, Fi-fi, and he’ll be walking his bull dog, Brutus. We’ll meet on a park bench and love will surround the four of us…Right there in Central Park. And soon there will be 101 bulldogs running all over my apartment! EEEEK!

I won’t be able to have a dog anyway. My job might require some travel and there is no way I could leave a dog at a depressing kennel let alone afford a posh NY pooch spa! I can see it now, I’ll be the one hauling 100 pounds of luggage all over the country and stuck crashing in cities like Akron or Pittsburgh. Meanwhile my pooch is getting her toenails painted or getting a puppy massage. That’s my luck. That’s ok…I can’t see myself as one of those people that carries the plastic bag while walking the dog anyway. The thought of slipping my hand in the plastic bag to pick up fresh poop in public and turning the whole “event” inside out and carrying it a few blocks for everyone to see is just disgusting! Let’s just say I won’t put up with s*it from anybody!

Children, could I live with children? I am a very nurturing person, always have been. Love kids. I could live with…say…2 children. Depending on the affluence of my situation, maybe three. I believe children should be the result of two people who truly love each other and who totally commit to challenging themselves as one in managing not only their careers but 6 days a week of soccer, little league, and a busy jazz, ballet and tap class schedule.

Now could I live with a man? I think so…I hope so. I could definitely live with a gay man, but that’s not what I want. I want a loving, caring, and protective man who loves and cherishes me and I him. I want a man who believes in the importance of building a relationship together, who believes in the significance of honesty, trust and faithfulness to each other always. A man I can’t live without and a man who can’t wait to be with me. (sigh!) Is that too tall an order? The problem is I don’t think males are in search of love…I think they’re only in search of sex. You know, like Brutus the bulldog. Dispute me if I’m wrong.

In summation, I believe one day I could handle living with them all…All but the bag of poop!