To Jersey Girl, With Love...NOT!!!

Apparently, I park like an asshole…that is, according to the note I found on my car windshield this morning. Written in most definitely the female hand, she is apparently upset with the way in which I parked my car inside our apartment garage parking lot. Excuse me, if my tiny Toyota Corolla is not parked perfectly straight. It was still within my half side of the garage spot. She signed the note “Neighbor who is Pissed” Most definitely one of those classy mid-western gals from either...oh let’s say...the Indiana-Ohio vicinities.

Let’s see, there are only two possible female neighbors of mine who could have been this tasteless. Bachelorette #1 wears a ski cap, and if the size of her ass is any indication of how big her car is, then no wonder she couldn’t fit in the spot next to me. Or Bachelorette #2 the she-male who leaves her cigarette butts all over the garage floor. Remember the girl from Planes Trains and Automobiles that was strong enough to lift John Candy’s trunk by herself. Remember her snorting husband said, “She's short and skinny, but she's strong. Her first baby come out sideways. She didn't scream or nothing.” Picture that woman and that’s what Bachelorette #2 looks like.

At first upon seeing the note, I was really upset. It’s just one more reason I truly believe that people out here are just…plain…nasty! I came home late last night from doing laundry, and as always was careful not to pull in and park too close to the concrete walls next to me since last year I scratched my car on a piece of wood that was sticking out. I was not parked horribly crooked. I can understand getting upset with people who arrogantly take up both spots but there was no reason for this kind of hostility. Let’s hope nothing really devastating ever happens in this woman’s life. I’d be afraid to see what she would do. I’m convinced it was seeing my New Jersey license plate that drove her to rip out a piece of paper from her notebook and scribble the note. I’ve decided my only recourse…I’m buying a large white piece of construction paper and making a sign and hanging it between one of the double spots in the garage. Large black printed letters will read “ASSHOLE PARKING ONLY”. I will proudly be the owner of both spots, and if someone else doesn’t mind being called an asshole, they can by all means feel free to park next to me.

My Vote for the Real American Idol

Today is George Washington’s birthday. Yes, I always remember George Washington on his actual birthday…every year on February 22. If he were alive today, he would be 274 years old. Both Abe Lincoln and George Washington are two of our country’s greatest Presidents and both were born in the month of February. In spite of our country’s combining their birthdays into a “President’s Day” holiday, I still feel it’s wrong not to recognize both of these great men individually on their special days. It’s a shame we live in a society where President’s Day is merely thought of as a day off from work or a great sale at the mall. As the world today blasts and criticizes the Office of our President, can we for one moment remember and recognize one great man and an enormously respected one at that. The Father of Our Country, Commander and Chief of the Continental Army, the first President of the United States, the man who led and kept our forefathers together so that we actually have a US Government, which despite its problems is still the greatest government in the world! George Washington was described by his friend, Congressman Henry Lee as “first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen”. The man was numero uno!! I’ve told you all before, I have been raised with a love of American History, which makes it easily understandable why I’m a fan of the real GW. I’ve visited his beautiful home at Mount Vernon, where I’ve walked the amazing grounds surrounding it. I’ve overlooked the same beautiful rear yard that he once overlooked with its magnificent scenic view of the James River below. I’ve stood at his gravesite and imagined how many famous historical figures stood at the same spot and paid their respects. I’ve gazed at GW’s large and revered wooden chair that sets on display in the Assembly Room front and center at Independence Hall in Philadelphia. The chair of a great leader, a great man who presided passionately over the Continental Convention. Yes, the chair really does have a carving of a “rising sun” on its headrest. I’ve also visited his small stone Headquarters house at Valley Forge, not to mention I’ve stood at the site of his famous icy Christmas night Delaware River Crossing. I’ve nestled myself into his marked church pew at Christ’s Church in Philadelphia, which I might add is directly across the aisle and around a column from Betsy Ross’s pew. Very cool place…and a very pretty church I might add. I’ve eaten at Philadelphia’s City Tavern, said to be where GW and the other forefathers grabbed lunch or dinner just a stone’s throw away and short cobblestone walk from Independence Hall. It’s awesome!

George Washington, the man, was best known for his integrity, honesty and passion in developing a strong central U.S. government. He was humble, not seeking fame, for it was the confidence of others in him that led him to achieve greatness. Read about him sometime…or maybe care enough to visit the places he made famous.

Happy Birthday George!

An Ex-Dilemma

Over Christmas break, I ran into an old boyfriend. One of the few truly nice guys I’ve dated. It was actually very nice to see him again. We chatted a little, flirted a little and then I gave him my cell phone number and told him to call me if he wants to hang out. Since then, I’ve heard from him a few times. Recently, he text message'd me late one night and said he’s been thinking about me and is really looking forward to me coming home for break. Warning, warning, warning! Tara, you already hurt this guy once before in telling him the long distance thing “won’t work”. Be careful. Ah yes, the dreaded “Won’t work” phrase that I have been told and heartbroken by twice by two different guys in my lifetime. The truth is it was a very nice summer thing but that’s it. Besides, right now…I don’t want to date…anyone! I just want to be friends. Yeah, that’s it…friends. I’m just going to be nice, hang out with him, and tell him we’re just friends…no benefits…just friends. You’re thinking, Tara , he’s a nice guy, all you do is blast guys who are jerks and now you can have a nice guy and you still don’t want him.” The truth…He’s not ambitious enough for me, ok?…I like men who want nice things…like I do. Those who are driven to “have it all”. I’ll never have that with him. He’s the type that wants to stay home and take care of the kids, while I go out and work. Uh, I don’t think so! Well, I can’t give him the long distance “won’t work” excuse because I’ll be living only within an hour and a half driving time from him. I really would like to spend time with him…but I get so weak and I know what’s going to happen…I keep playing that scene from When Harry Met Sally in my head. You know, the one where Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan that men and women can never be friends because the guy always wants to have sex. Here it is…it’s hysterical and one of my favorite movie scenes.

Harry Burns:You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Burns: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Super Bowl, Toilet Bowl, Whatever

Today is the Super Bowl. So what? So what does a college girl living in a college town like Bloomington suppose to do on Super Bowl Sunday? Football has never been my thing. But I do love Baseball!

During my senior year of high school, my best friend, Lauren, use to say, “My ultimate goal at college is to date a football player”. I use to laugh. So she chose to attend Division 1, West Virginia University. Lauren earned her degree in Football Players after about two weeks of class. Actually I think she graduated Magna Cum Laude in that Program! Love you Lauren! Now she attends the University of Arizona and is going for her second degree in Baseball Players. Anyway, I know Lauren will probably be watching the Super Bowl. She is probably surrounded by a dozen Football players and Baseball players having a great time partying it up. Meanwhile, I’m stuck here alone in my apartment doing Retail Marketing homework and hating life. I could go to Scotty’s with everyone else and pretend I like football. I sure could use a Tommy the Greek’s Hummus Salad with chicken right now. Or I can go to the gym and work out with all the other girls who hate football. Sounds like a plan!